Mikiko actually caused me to be excited about a Christian Christmas party, surprise surprise. Heck, I even bought a gift for the exchange and wrapped it.
Okay, so it was 99 cent wrapping paper and I bought a box of candy canes for 79 cents only because I was buying a box of the tutti fruity ones for me anyways....
But still :)
It sounded like lots of fun!
There's a bus, that came to pick us up from campus. And it was JAMMED FULL of International students with one or two Americans here or there.
But as we were waiting for the bus in the Library lobby we bumped into Miki's best friend Sabrina (german exchange student) and her roommate Megan. Which was really cool! We were both really excited that they would be at the party. We've all four of us been looking for apartments so Sabrina asked Miki and I how we had been doing.
We had just gotten a call from Chuck from the house we had seen, and since Miki was so gung ho and she's just too cute for me to refuse....We told him we wanted to meet on Sunday to sign the applications forms. He told us that the two people that viewed the house before us weren't planning on staying for the entire lease, and that since I was (even though Miki will be replaced by a new roommate come June) we were first on the list by the Landlord's standards.
We were super excited and told Sabrina and Megan all about it. We mentioned a few things about the place and they looked startled.
"Wait," Sabrina said. "Was the poster there," She pointed to the wall behind me "On that board?"
It turned out that Megan and Sabrina were the people that had been there not an hour before us. And that while Chuck had called Miki and I, he had not called them.
We were silent an embarrassed for several long moments. I thought that Megan might kills someone (she gives off that vibe on purpose, I think) and Sabrina looked quite torn. I couldn't tell you what Miki was feeling. She looked undecided and frantic. While I was just extremely embarrassed and humiliated. I had made a decision, and had decided to take the place out from underneath two other people, and then had found out that I knew these people.
I was scarlet.
I was also sad. I had spent 24 hours trying to convince myself that the responsibility wasn't too great, and that the place would be worth it and good. And that we WERE going to take it and that I should just suck it up and then that was pulled out from underneath me. I didn't want to let go. So I nattered along quite nervously and handed over my apartment hunt list to a quite unsatisfied Megan and confused Sabrina and tried to hush Miki's demands of "What are we going to do?"
Because of course I knew what we had to do. I'm not heartless. It's one thing to totally cheat people you don't know. I'm practical enough to know that no one can get by without doing that at some point. But I can't do that to friends! I would prolong it, of course. And hold onto my hope as long as I could. But I knew what had to be done.
Especially since Chuck's favoritism was totally unwarranted: Sabrina and Megan's situation is exactly the same as Miki's and mine. Megan needs a place to live until she graduates, and Sabrina is leaving this spring.
The bus ride was terrible. The other two girls sat across the aisle from us and we all tried desperate not to hiss amongst ourselves or talk across the aisle. The bus was packed and everyone was loud and joyous. I thought it was sacrilegious that everyone was so happy when Miki and I were so miserable.
I dropped my head to my chest and felt like crying. It was so dark on the bus that I pretended I was alone and tried not to press up against Miki because I know she doesn't always appreciate people being close.
The house we went into wasn't too warm. But with 50 people in it that quickly changed. Lots of people tried the piano and I got plenty of chances to sing songs I haven't sung in years. I miss choir. Miki and I got to forget our problems for quite a while with all the Christmas cheer. The dinner was pretty good. A lot of it was foreign food, which was interesting, and the...uh...I think the Vietnamese dish was called Fuh, to be perfectly honest >.<>.< owner =".="">.< Go figure.
Everything was pretty much over after that. Well, 20 or so people left, including Sabrina and Megan but everyone else was having dessert. And so I cornered the two girls in the "coat room" (a spare room) and told them the house was theirs. That Miki and I would take them with us on Sunday and let them sign the applications and we'd back off and go for the other place, that it was only fair.
Sabrina thought I was mad. Megan's calculating look made me a bit nervous. But I was just tired, overwrought, and sad. I hadn't wanted the blasted place in the first place and then I went and got my hopes up over it and then things went to Hell.
Someone better bring Murphy to life and kill him again for me, I swear.
The dessert was really bittersweet. There was cake and cookies and ice cream and thank the God's it was vanilla. So I asked for just vanilla and retreated to the hall to have a good cry, goodness knows why. As I was petting a cat Miki came out to cry with me too after I told her what I had done. You know what made me feel better though? She told me that she was proud of me. And she has since, and that made me feel MUCH better.
So Sunday was miserably cold, and nervewracking. But we met Sabrina and Megan at the library, explained to Chuck what went wrong and left. We know that we could've applied and competed against them, but we were tired, you know? Tired of fighting for no reason. We had found a perfectly fine apartment just round the corner, and we'd have friends nearby, and they deserved the house.
Even though I'm still a little bitter that it's gone to an American who's a party girl and a German girl who will be leaving in March. But I like them both so it won't be a hard feeling to let go of, I think.
Deep inside I wish I had the place though. Because it had enough room for a third roommate and I'm terrified that I won't be able to pull my own. That I'm not responsible enough and that I'll let Mikiko down because I'm such a horrible person.
But, we DID call Alfredo and we're applying for the apartment round the corner on Monday. Wish us luck!
Regards from Purgatory,
Monica
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