The Devil Incarnate

If I knew anyone out there who could draw caricatures, or editorial style comics: I'd pay good money for a drawing right about now.

My microwave is evil. Yes, I am calling it out: It is E.V.I.L.. I'm seriously debating giving it horns, a tail, and drawing an evil face with a goatee on it's front. Hence the drawing.

Actually, I'm not even entirely positive that it's a microwave.

Doubt #1

It sounds like a fan in a bloody GMC, and it's just as loud.

Doubt #2

Aren't these sorts of appliances supposed to interfere with wireless communications? I could bloody well put my cell phone INSIDE the "microwave" and other than it possibly melting, I'd still have perfect service.

Doubt #3

Does anyone else out there have to let the microwave warm up before they put food in it? After the first 5 meals that wero burnt to a crisp on the outside and frozen inside I learned to do that first. It's like an oven!!

It tried to assassinate me today. Either because I put the popcorn in without "pre-heating" it, or because it knows I'm onto it.

So I'm sitting at my (brand-new) desk at my computer and the popcorn has just started to pop and I hear a familiar sound. Don't ask me how it's familiar: I have no idea. But I realized immediately that it was the sound of electricity crackling.

FROM MY MICROWAVE!!!

So I'm terrified out of my wits, right? Electricity is the one thing that'll well and truly scare me: Once someone gave me a stun gun for protection and I gave it away at the first opportunity without ever laying hands on it.

So I'm hopping through the kitchen trying to decide if I want to ruin my popcorn by turning it off (It's an old fashioned timer dial, easy to stop) or if the plastic handle of the microwave will conduct electricity. I remembered vaguely my science classes and thought that I'd try a plastic pen to check my theories. I figured, small point of contact if I was wrong, right?

The damned thing spit electricity at me! Note to self, it's RUBBER, not plastic.

I swear I jumped 4 feet backwards. But it was STILL spitting from underneath. I thought "Well look, one of my plastic stress hand toys is kinda underneath. Maybe it's just hot and it's melting?"

So I prodded it out from under the "microwave" and the sparking got LOUDER.

Now I'm freaking out and Miki is innocently asking from the living room "Is your popcorn okay?"

I hop around the kitchen for a bit trying to think of anything rubber in the house, and ask Miki "Does Rubbermaid actually make RUBBER tupperware?" I trash that idea pretty quick though: I can smell the popcorn burning.

I've got a minute left on the timer, I KNOW the popcorn's been in there too long now cause there is waaaay more than 3 seconds between pops and I say screw it and use our notepad from the counter to turn it off.

Apparently paper does NOT conduct electricity.

Whatever I woke up expecting to happen today, definitely did not include a hands on science experiment that risked my life.

Anyone want a microwave?

Regards from Purgatory,
Monica